{"id":2717,"date":"2026-07-08T15:08:35","date_gmt":"2026-07-08T19:08:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/?p=2717"},"modified":"2026-07-08T15:12:03","modified_gmt":"2026-07-08T19:12:03","slug":"before-i-allowed-myself-to","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/before-i-allowed-myself-to\/","title":{"rendered":"before I allowed myself to"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1535\" height=\"2460\" src=\"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1.jpg\" alt=\"before I allowed myself to\n\nenter into\nknowledge\nto\ndesire intelligence\n, I had a\n\nfear\n\nthat I should lose\nall self-command\n\nOnce com-\nmenced, I might be\nthe monster\n\nfor ever.\n\nexcited\nearnest\nmelancholy, mad\ncapable\n\nentirely myself.\n\nleft to my own\n\nsolitude\" class=\"wp-image-2718\" style=\"width:687px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1.jpg 1535w, https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1-187x300.jpg 187w, https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1-639x1024.jpg 639w, https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1-768x1231.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1-958x1536.jpg 958w, https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1-1278x2048.jpg 1278w, https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1-940x1506.jpg 940w, https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1055\/2026\/07\/22before-I-allowed-myself.22-1-400x641.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1535px) 100vw, 1535px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>By Lisa Sankowski<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">before I allowed myself to<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">enter into<br>knowledge<br>to<br>desire intelligence<br>, I had a<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">fear<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">that I should lose<br>all self-command<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Once com-<br>menced, I might be<br>the monster<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">for ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">excited<br>earnest<br>melancholy, mad<br>capable<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">entirely myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">left to my own<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">solitude<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Lisa Sankowski before I allowed myself to enter intoknowledgetodesire intelligence, I had a fear that I should loseall self-command Once com-menced, I might bethe monster for ever. excitedearnestmelancholy, madcapable entirely myself. left to my own solitude<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8216,"featured_media":2716,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2717","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-monstermash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2717","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8216"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2717"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2717\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2719,"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2717\/revisions\/2719"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2716"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2717"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2717"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.smith.edu\/bdpcblackoutproject\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2717"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}