Untitled

A Poem by Gabrielle Manna

It started with frenzy
paranoia
endless noise
and then the world sat still in silence
⁣
We stopped
We listened
More together in our loneliness⁣
than we’d ever been in our togetherness
⁣
And when the world stopped screaming⁣
the world stopped listening⁣
⁣
And now I’m sitting here⁣
hair a little bit longer, nails a little bit shorter, belly a little bit softer,
thinking of a time when⁣ I tuned in and out of the cacophony of
life and living and people and voices and footsteps and

the shock of stillness
in its moments⁣
within a world of constant movement⁣
of constant listening
⁣
And if I felt alone then⁣
I never was. Not really.⁣
There was always the option not to be.⁣
There was always other people.⁣
There was always the opportunity for connection⁣,
that I took for granted.⁣
⁣
And even when I wanted to be alone, without knowing, I took comfort just in being a human in a world with other humans.⁣
If I wanted, I could sit at the cafe down the street with my headphones on⁣
and read my book someone else wrote⁣
and blast my music someone else played⁣
and sip my coffee someone else made⁣
from beans someone else picked⁣
from a tree someone else planted.⁣
And just the mere knowledge that someone else had made my drink for me – even if it was their job – was enough.⁣
Without knowing, I wrapped myself in the warmth of other people – ⁣
in the intimate awareness, deep within ourselves, of the interconnectedness of human lives⁣
(an awareness I could not put words to until I felt the deep pang of its absence in my core)⁣
⁣
I’m thinking of days when I encountered the unexpected, the unfamiliar⁣
when I constantly saw new faces, heard new voices, met new people ⁣
in that cafe,
in the streets⁣
in public transit⁣
in moments of connection⁣
within a world of constant changing
of constant learning
⁣
I was learning about the world around me,⁣
the world I am now slowly losing,⁣
and reluctantly mourning⁣
the self⁣
that died alongside it⁣
⁣
Who are we without the connections, both old and new, past and present and future, that make us who we are?⁣
⁣
We are not the selves constructed by relationships,⁣
in an interconnected web of human experience,⁣
When that web is forced apart⁣
Heaved into uncertainty⁣
Sucked up by a vacuum cleaner held in the unwashed hands⁣
that took it for granted too⁣
⁣
And now I’m in a new world where all I have left is⁣
the one thing I need to learn the most about⁣,
the one thing I should know best⁣
and love the most intimately⁣
yet understand the least

myself
⁣
I keep feeling like I‘m in a dream,⁣
like my life is on hold and soon I‘ll wake up⁣
myself again.⁣
⁣
I’ve been feeling like I’m not myself⁣
‘Cause who am I when I’m not my mother’s child⁣
My father’s daughter⁣
My sister’s sister⁣
My friend’s friend⁣
My arts’ creator⁣
My dreams’ followers⁣
My world’s inhabitant
⁣
WHO AM I WITHOUT THE WORLD THAT MADE ME
WHO I AM
⁣
I feel that we are losing ourselves.⁣
At first I thought it was just me⁣
(It’s easy to be selfish when you’re alone in your dorm room with third day hair, on your third game our third game of Evil Apples and your third glass of cab)⁣
But then I reminded myself⁣
of the web of all ourselves⁣
tangled up in the threads⁣
of the world we lived in⁣
⁣
(And on my fourth glass⁣
I could stop lying to myself⁣
And face the truth)⁣
⁣
We will never be our selves again⁣
⁣
We will never be the selves constructed by human relationships⁣
in the interconnected web of human experience⁣
that we all took for granted⁣
⁣
It’s easy to evolve⁣
in a world of constant movement⁣
But for now, the world stands still ⁣
waiting⁣
for an answer:

Can there be growth
in isolation? ⁣
Will the world stop turning
if we all stand still forever?⁣
⁣
I wonder who we will be⁣
if/when this is all over⁣
I wonder if we will remember
how to be humans again⁣
⁣
I hope⁣
we can weave a new web together⁣
as new selves⁣
⁣
But this time⁣
Maybe⁣
We will understand our selves⁣
And our web⁣
in all the ways⁣ we used to take for granted⁣
and in so many more⁣
we have yet to learn”