3.26.2021

More and more the emotion that I most associate this project with is anger. I’m not typically an angry person but this year has brought it out of me in ways that make me really uncomfortable. I’m angry about the limitations that have been placed upon me, I’m angry about the environment I’m trying to work in, I’m angry that I don’t have more ideas or more drive. I know that it’s unhelpful, it doesn’t make me more productive or improve the situation, it’s just easier to be angry than to put in the work.

This week putting in the work looked a lot like just making it to the end of the day. I think that’s sometimes the biggest choreographic tool that I’m using: survival. I’m just trying to make the best decisions I can as problems arrive.

What does survival look like? Is that part of what I’m trying to convey? I think more and more this piece is becoming about the cycle of falling apart and getting back up again. The frantic robotic motions in the beginning, the collapse into floor work, the rise to dance another section at the end. I’d like to try and refine this idea as the piece approaches its final form.

While that might give you an idea of what my philosophical state is during this project, I suppose it’s probably most helpful if I discuss what was worked on this week and the steps I’m taking on a technical level as we approach tech week.

Sunday saw a lot of teaching, cleaning, and review; it’s hard to make sure everyone in the cast is up to speed because we’re so scattered across campus and throughout the week. The sweeping phrase that was showcased at the end of last week’s full showing was altered and taught to the whole group, the counts changed to fit into sixes so that it better fits with the music.

I also re-worked all of the floor section so that it embodied more of the heavy, exhausted, struggle that I think it’s started to represent for me and the other dancers. There’s something about the inability to fully settle that fascinates me. There’s a strange sort of ‘storing up energy for the coming upswing’ that I’d like to play with as well.

On Wednesday I had a meeting with Amber and Sean regarding the possibilities for lighting and camera work. I was excited to hear that the dramatic filtering in of color is something that’s doable in the space! The camera positions weren’t what I expected but manageable, I think with a bit of fussing over the directions in some of my choreography we’ll be able to work within the constraints to achieve the same general goals.

I also had a blocking rehearsal outside on Wednesday so we could better clarify the positions of the dancers in space. This was also when we were able to go through the costumes I had collected that morning and start playing with our options.

On Thursday we cleaned and arranged the existing material into a new format, spending a lot of time with the sweeping phrase at the end of the piece in an attempt to make it feel looser and more natural. Despite how strange it was to try and polish and refine movement in a half-online format, I’m happy with the progress that’s been made. The dancers are really eager to try out new ideas and modify existing work, which is necessary considering how often I end up heming and hawing over every idea.

The biggest crises was in the counts for the last half of the piece. I choreographed the sweeping section in sixes so that it would work with a waltz, but since I’ve decided to no longer use the music I tested out for the second half last week, we need a new waltz. Unfortunately the venn diagram of music I think works well for the movement and music that works in a six count is exceedingly slim. It also required us to modify the existing pinwheel phrase to work in sixes since I’ve moved it to the last half of the piece rather than the first half.

I’m really lucky to have dancers who are willing to make these changes and adapt the choreography as needed- I’m not sure how I’d do this without their willingness.