I feel very caught up in the bigness of things and not yet centered on what feels meaningful to me. The obligations that I feel to outside forces (that do impact me, directly or indirectly) feel, and are, important but also distract from deciding or discovering an entry point into what I want this project to be. I am thinking of this beginning like it is a sunrise – embracing the feeling of possibility that emerges at the beginning of the day if you wake up to hear the birds welcome the warmth and light of day.

The question “who is this for?” feels of particular importance in seeking out entry. I am thinking about what the container I build for myself can hold. What can I continue to commit to for the duration? I must involve myself first in this process in order for it to become. Thomas DeFrantz asks, “what are you willing to not know?” What can I be okay with not knowing, not considering, and putting in, in order to move forward and take the first steps? I think right now, I must be okay with really not knowing the outcome, music/sound, staging, length, phrases, lesson, and story. I do need to know what I care about and what makes me move.

Themes that have felt significant to me are rooted-ness and directionality. Rootedness in the earth, in my ancestral lineage, in the molten core of my pelvis and joints, in the communities that surround me. Orientation has been really interesting to me as well. Turning toward means always turning away and vice versa. But this orientation does not need to be permanent or in order or at a set time. Where/where/who/ am I orienting to? What things cause me to turn the other way?

Returning to fun also feels very generative to me. What am I doing when I’m having fun? How am I defining it? What movements are conducive to fun naturally and what feels stoic and hard? It has been really hard to have fun and take it seriously after feeling so cooped up and having to dance in small spaces that have not previously been locations for continued practice. The song “No Bus” by lophiile featuring Amber Mark feels significant in my practice of letting go and exploring my return to the enjoyment of embodiment.

Sounds also feel good to me right now. I was able to access the studio on Tuesday and freely allow myself to make sounds, be influenced by sound, for the first time in a long time without worrying about who I am disturbing or might be disrupting. In a class with Joya Powell, she spoke out sounds and rhythms to us to repeat and then embody. The evocation of memories and images that sound can provide feel very relevant as an entry point for me into figuring out an entry point into things I am interested in.

This quote from Thomas DeFrantz feels like an important rooting point for me in entering this process: “A willingness to not know in order to become.”