Should we try to discourage our son from spending time with his friend, at least outside of school?<\/b><\/p>\n
My son is a second-grader and he\u2019s become close with another little boy. We\u2019ve seen the kids play together and they get along well, but we\u2019ve also met the boy\u2019s parents and totally disagree with their political views. They\u2019re really outspoken Trump supporters and find ways to inject their political views into conversations with us.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n My spouse thinks that we can get along fine by trying to minimize our son\u2019s contact with his parents, but I\u2019m worried about the kinds of political views and values our son is picking up from his friend. We\u2019ve overheard his friend talking about building the wall to keep Americans safe, and so we\u2019re not sure what else they\u2019re sharing. We\u2019ve talked to our son, but he\u2019s quite protective of his friend and doesn\u2019t tell us what they talk about. Should we try to discourage our son from spending time with his friend, at least outside of school?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Your sons\u2019 exposure to other people\u2019s views is inevitable. <\/b>While<\/span> I understand your concern about letting him spend time with someone who may introduce him to views that you would feel disappointed to hear him repeat, I would advise you not to discourage him from spending time with this friend.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I have two main reasons for giving this advice \u2013 first, you don\u2019t want to send the message that people who hold different views are to be avoided. This is both unrealistic and undesirable advice for your son. He will undoubtedly encounter many people who believe different things throughout his life. In sheltering him, you wvill be denying him the opportunity to evolve and strengthen his own views through discourse with others. Part of morally educating your child entails preparing him to encounter other views and meet them with informed and careful consideration. You want to help him to think critically about right and wrong. And teach him to hold firm about what he knows to be right. That skill will deepen his moral reasoning skills far more than teaching him your views alone ever could. I think of the parable about the fisherman who gives you a fish versus the fisherman who teaches you to fish \u2013 you should teach your son to fish.<\/span><\/p>\n My second reason for advising you not to separate your son from his friend is entirely practical in nature \u2013 your disapproval of his friendship may lead him to double down harder on it, making him more likely to engage with this friends\u2019 family\u2019s views. If he is already protective of his friend I highly doubt he will respond well to your efforts to separate them.\u00a0 It would be hard for anyone not to feel resentful about being separated from their best friend. You don\u2019t want your son to see you as the enemy in all of this which might happen if you were to limit his contact with this friend. Of course you can justify your actions, saying you only want what\u2019s best for him, and you think separating him might be best, but it may be hard for him to see that. Even as adults it can hard for us to accept that something is good for us if it\u2019s contrary to our desires. And as I\u2019ve said, I am doubtful that this ultimately is best for him.<\/span><\/p>\n I do, however, think attempting to limit the amount of time your son spends with his friends\u2019 parents, as your spouse suggests, is a reasonable precaution. In any situation, if you doubt someone\u2019s ability to serve as a role model or caretaker for your child, you shouldn\u2019t trust them with your child\u2019s care. You can instead arrange times where the kids can be together, with you present. This is a good compromise \u2013 allowing your son to spend time with his friend and easing your worries about the parent\u2019s influence on him.<\/span><\/p>\n In the end, I suggest you see this dilemma as an opportunity to begin educating your child about the injustices in the world. Talk with him frankly about what you believe and why \u2013 take your son to rallies, talk to him about the news, have him join you in letter writing campaigns. Do not shelter him from the many abhorrent views in the world, instead, teach him how he ought to respond. Let him become just as vocal as his friend is, and, with time, perhaps his friend will learn from him.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Should we try to discourage our son from spending time with his friend, at least outside of school? My son is a second-grader and he\u2019s…<\/p>\n