A long-term goal of mine is to travel to all the world’s continents. Having been to four already, the next one on my list was Asia. I began my journey in March by flying into Hanoi, Vietnam, The plan was to travel down South to Saigon and then to the next country through there. This story details my experiences transiting between Vietnamese cities with my girlfriend and favourite travel buddy. Mode of Transport: The Vietnam Sleeper Trains.
Transcript
*News intro music*
Newsreader:
“A Wonderful Vietnam Sleeper Train Experience”
“The sleeper train in Vietnam is a comfortable, safe, and affordable means of transportation, helping visitors to reduce fatigue when traveling long distances.”
“Experience luxury train travel through Vietnam, covering all major cities.”
*News intro music fades out*
Mateenah:
My girlfriend (Lisett) and I were backpacking through Vietnam last March. We had flown into Hanoi and spent 4 days enjoying the weather and the food, and now it was time to move on to the next city. After intensive research and positive feedback, we decided to opt for the Vietnam sleeper train. We’d be saving on a night’s stay at a hotel and also getting to our next destination having slept through the night – A double positive!
We arrived at the train station around 2:30 PM, ready for our 3 PM train from Hanoi to Da Nang. To preface, I have chronic IBS, and having spent a few days in Vietnam, the change in diet had me struggling to pass stool. Sisyphus’ boulder was wedged in my intestine, and pushing hurt and not pushing also hurt. I was sweating, and then I was cold, and at this point, I was pretty irritated!
Before the train ride, Lisett and I had made a stop at a pharmacy to get some laxatives, which, according to the instructions, would kick in six hours later, so, she suggested I take them now so I could use the bathroom on the train. Good plan, right?
*Train sounds fade in*
We board the train, enter our cabin, which had four beds—two on each side with a small table between them. Thankfully, we reserved the top bunks, so we stowed our backpacks on the shelf and climbed in.
The mattress was so hard, I might as well have been sleeping on the train tracks. I look at Lisett; she always knows what I am thinking, and we both sighed, resigned to our fate.
For now, it was just us in the cabin, and after a long day of hiking in the hot sun with heavy backpacks, it was nice to finally sit down and just relax together.
The ride from Hanoi to Da Nang was 15 hours, so we wouldn’t be arriving until 8 AM the next day.
*Background Radio noises fade in*
There’s a speaker in the wall blasting incomprehensible announcements, minutes go by as I wait for the person speaking to stop… but they don’t. Soon, I come to realise this is a radio station and its never going to stop. While reeling from this unpleasant discovery, I get the feeling that I need to use the toilet. I was about to pass out from the discomfort of 4 days of food wedged in my in betweens!, so we climb down from our bunks and go in search of the bathroom. We ask one of the train guards, who points us to a tiny cubicle in the wall. Lisett opens it for me, and there it was: *Train noise and Background noises abruptly stop* a hole in the floor.
Yes, you heard that right. A hole. In the floor.
Why in all the reviews and videos we’d watched prior to booking this train had people failed to mention I would be subject to this? I needed to shit and there was no way I could wait till the morning. So I pulled down my pants and squatted while Lisett hooked her hands under my armpits to keep me up as the train jolted. I empty out the weeks’ worth of meals, and as you do, I turn to the sink … which had no running water. Why was this train allowed to depart if their water system was out of use??? And if I can’t wash my hands, what the hell are all the other passengers doing?????? I eventually and very grudgingly so had to wash my hands with the vodka I had bought on the train to pass the time, (no vodka for me)
After the bathroom debacle, my stomach was empty, and I was starving.
Now, before we boarded, I had suggested to Lisett that we should maybe grab some food, but she insisted there would be food available on the train. She had planned this entire holiday, and I just went along for the ride. So, even though I was hesitant (I love to eat, after all), I let her take the lead. We look over the menu left on the little table in our cabin, but nothing appealed to me. Admittedly, I like to know the ingredients that go into my food, and I also like seeing pictures of said food. Neither was available on this menu, and given that we were on a train that ran for 48 hours straight through the country, the only things that seemed safe enough were pot noodles and a boiled egg. I mean, can you really make a boiled egg unsafe?
Lisett, feeling a little braver, ordered meat skewers. What kind of meat? Beats me.
The food delivery arrived, and I got my pot noodles. But then, the guy wheeled a cart by with various mystery food items stored in water coolers with their tops sawed off, and the guy used his bare hands to grab the skewers and placed them in a plastic cup before handing them to Lisett.
I enjoyed my pot noodles (to the extent that pot noodles are enjoyable) and watched Lisett try to overcome every bit of neophobia in her bones as she ate her mystery meat.
*Train rumbles resume*
The train pulls to the next stop and the passengers for the bottom bunks started boarding. Secretly, we were hoping no one would come or at least that the other passengers would be tourists like us. After weeks of only being able to speak to each other, we were craving a bit of outside interaction in a language we could understand. All the reviews about the sleeper train had been from tourists, so we had hoped for the same.
Unfortunately, neither of our hopes came true. Nevertheless, we were just grateful to have the privacy of the top bunk, and i didnt really mind sharing the cabin with two other locals that was… *Snorting and Farting Sound effects* until the guy sleeping below me started snoring and farting at the same time.
I pushed myself up against the wall of our cabin because I was scared I’d roll off the bed and break my neck. Amid the rumbles of the train, the tremors from the man below, and let’s not forget, *Radio sounds resume* the radio blasting at an ungodly volume, I finally managed to fall asleep around 4 AM. *Snorting and Farting Sound effects stop*, *Radio sounds stop* But at 6 AM, I was woken by the insufferable sound of his alarm, *Alarm rings* one he refused to turn off and just kept snoozing. Why are you snoozing your alarm? What do you have to get up for? You’re on a train!
*Train Rumbles stop*
We made it through the night, dirtier, groggier, and more uncomfortable than I’ve ever been.
Now, I live to dispel any positive reviews of this train and to anyone considering the sleeper train: don’t do it. Get a plane, walk if you must!
But never ever get the train!
*Outro music fades in*
Credits
Image Credit: LocalVietnam Blog
Lisett Ruetman
Newscaster: Tessa Wheeler
Sound Effects: Freesound
Corporate Medical Technical News (loop ver.1) by AudioCoffee -- https://freesound.org/s/712214/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
- freight train pass fast short heavy rail track clacks.flac by kyles -- https://freesound.org/s/455775/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
snore_okm2.flac by ermine -- https://freesound.org/s/27403/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 3.0
Youtube - AlexSauce- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn4yAbA9cZw
Cellphone Alarm Clock Long by greenworm -- https://freesound.org/s/501881/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Laman Express Hanoi Inaudible Train announcement by Gijsknol -- https://freesound.org/s/527785/ -- License: Attribution 4.0