capstone

So you're gender-nonconforming in 1989. What are you going to do about it? [[I want to dress like another gender.|Xdress]] [[I am not the gender I was assigned at birth. I want to fix that.|Social transition]] (set: $exited to false)

(if:$exited is false)[A good portion of the time, the journey stopped here. Many gender non-conforming people found their ways to a life that involved a nontraditional experience of gender only some of the time, or one that lived outside of the desire to make some form of permanent change. No one's path that led to this point was identical to another's path, and as such, this ending represents a very, very wide swathe of several different communities. Explore your options more, if you want:](if:$exited is true)[Sometimes, that was it. Maybe there would always be a sense of something missing and you were just done jumping through hoops. Maybe you realized you could find enough satisfaction in gender play as a hobby or lifestyle that always had an out. Maybe you did the latter because you'd rather have your job/your family/your partner/your kids/your community/money over a personal journey. Whatever the reason, feel free to stick around and explore your options more, if you want:] [[Explore your birth gender]] [[Performance and art]] (link-reveal-goto:"Continue.","What do you do now?")[(set:$medical to False))]

Some lesbians, called butches, engaged in a specific kind of masculine dress. Historically, this form of dress was heavily influenced by interactions with femmes, or feminine lesbians. Both identities were very much tied to one another and flowed between expressions of sexual orientation and gender identity. Not all masculine lesbians in the late 80s participated in butch-femme culture. Many did, and that culture was equally a part of their gender expressions as wearing men's clothing. Additionally, not all butch or masculine lesbians identified with being a woman. Some changed their names and pronouns and even got chest surgery, all the while continuing to be lesbians. Going the other direction, a number of men who dressed as women did so because they just liked how they looked in dresses and makeup. Others did so to play with their masculinity. Cross-gender dressing in this loosely defined category was done from a perspective of exploring masculinity, femininity, and the relationship between the two as men. Like butch lesbians, gay men also sometimes linked their sexuality with their gender identity in the form of feminine dress and presentation but still were gay men, not heterosexual women. Unrelated to gay and lesbian subcultures, the act of wearing gender-atypical clothing could be political, an act of resistance, or for celebrating holidays that encouraged costumes. Not all gender-atypical dress was a full-time gig. (link-reveal-goto: "Continue.","Final form")[(set:$exited to False)]

The first step in a transition is to begin to live your life in the literal shoes (and clothes and hair and mannerisms) of another gender. People in your life may begin to refer to you as a chosen name and new set of pronouns. This aspect of transition is wildly dependent on the person. The percentage of your life that's lived out of the closet, so to speak, is dependent on your circumstances and the people you're surrounded by. Perhaps you've only shared your gender feelings with a few friends. Perhaps you've shared them with everyone you know. Perhaps you're somewhere in between. Whatever the case, aspects of your life are going to change. The role in society you've held up until this point will shift not just because you're changing what gender you present as but also because certain aspects of your presentation might not match up with how cisgender people present. To change some of the above without medical intervention, you could train your voice to alter your pitch and manner of speaking. You could also work to alter your walkstyle or gestures to fit more with cisgender members of your chosen presentation. Your stature in society will change, but some of your discomfort in how you present will disappear, too. What are your next steps? (link-reveal-goto: "I'm all good with life like this.","No medical intervention")[(set:$medical to False))] [[I want to medically alter my body to match this presentation.|Medical transition]]

Your life changes forever if you continue. Do you? [[No.|Exit]] [[Yes.|Continue 1]]

Often, medical professionals wouldn’t have usable information for someone, either out of personal ignorance or malice. Thus, those inside the community became that resource for medical procedures like referrals or basic information regarding hormones or surgery. Generally this was done by word of mouth and printed resources. Exemplar of the latter was FTM, a newsletter for people transitioning towards masculinity, whether that be in gender expression or just dress. While perusing issues of a newsletter like FTM, you might come across a section pointing you towards a formal collection of tips, advice, and general information about transitioning. <figure> <img src="https://sites.smith.edu/transgender-medical-experience/wp-content/uploads/sites/962/2023/04/ftm-newsletter-2.png" style="width:700px;"/> <figcaption>//FTM Newsletter #2, December 1987, FTM International, Louise Lawrence Transgender Archive, Vallejo, CA//</figcaption> </figure> You might then go pick up a copy of Information for the Female-to-Male and find a wealth of resources. <figure> <img src="https://sites.smith.edu/transgender-medical-experience/wp-content/uploads/sites/962/2023/04/info-ftm-cover.png" style="width:700px;"/> <img src="https://sites.smith.edu/transgender-medical-experience/wp-content/uploads/sites/962/2023/04/info-ftm-toc.png" style="width:700px;"/> <figcaption>//Lou Sullivan, Information for the Female-to-Male, 1980, University of Victoria Transgender Archives Collection, University of Victoria, BC, CA.// </figcaption> </figure> Word of mouth resources often occurred through support groups, like the XX Club. The following advertisement for this Connecticut-based support group explains their mission. <figure> <img src="https://sites.smith.edu/transgender-medical-experience/wp-content/uploads/sites/962/2023/04/tv-ts-xx-club.png" style="width:700px;"/> <figcaption>//Tapestry, 1985, 45, Transgender Oral History Project.// </figcaption> </figure> Attending meetings (held on the second and fourth Saturdays of each month) would be an excellent way to meet people on similar paths to you. Like FTM, the XX Club also produced a newsletter for their members. Though not often found on the shelves of a local bookstore, you could also turn to books, including academic studies and psychology journals. Often, the aforementioned support groups would publish or otherwise provide reading lists for those interested. Then, you could utilize university libraries or borrow books from your peers. Now, it's time to [[use the information you've learned.|Making use of networks]]

Next, you'd need to reach out to a doctor you'd heard about from your support group or newsletter who could prescribe you hormones, which was generally (but not always) the first step. This often was done through written communication. Once you'd done that, you'd either have to show evidence of about a year of lived experience as the gender you're transitioning to, or start that year off. After competing that requirement, you could finally start taking hormones. For transmasculine people, this involved an injection of testosterone about every two weeks. For transfeminine people, this involved an oral antiandrogen to block the effects of masculine hormones and an estrogen to replace those hormones with, which could be via an injection, a patch applied to the skin, or a pill. Another non-surgical medical procedure some pursued was electrolysis, or hair removal. This was generally done for transfeminine people. This procedure could remove facial and body hair, though it was often uncomfortable. [[Next.|Therapy]]

Probably along this journey, you'd be seeing some sort of therapist. AEGIS recommended that speaking with a professional throughout the process could help you unpack some of the feelings going into the transition and make the most informed decisions. In addition to having a notable benefit to the processing of gender related feelings, medical professionals required routine input from therapists. This would not have been without difficulty, as it could be difficult to find a therapist informed about trans issues. [[Next.|Time and next steps]]

Are you sure? [[No.|Exit]] [[Yes.|Continue 2]]

Okay, what are you up to? [[I want to explore my relationship to my birth gender|Explore your birth gender]] [[I'm creating art and/or entertaining|Performance and art]] Do you stay here? [[No. This is what I do for a while but I want to be a different gender all the time.|Stepping stone]] (link-reveal-goto: "Yes. I like playing with gender but I still want to be my birth gender sometimes.", "Final form")[(set:$exited to False)]

It will cost something, monetarily. "Many transsexuals live in the gender of choice, never having reassignment surgery, simply because they cannot afford it." It will cost tens of thousands of dollars to have surgery. Insurance might cover some of the costs of hormones and therapy, but not all. You face decreased employability as well, reducing your income, which you will need for these procedures. Do you continue? [[No. I can't afford it.|Exit]] [[Yes. I can make it work.|Continue 3]]

Your community, family, or loved ones will not approve. [[I can't deal with that.|Exit]] [[I know. I can stand it.|Continue 4]]

Drag, or dressing as a certain gender often (but not always) for parody or performance, is a major way that gender non-conforming people have expressed that nonconformity. Some used drag as for impersonation, like the Elvis impersonator here. <figure> <img src="https://sites.smith.edu/transgender-medical-experience/wp-content/uploads/sites/962/2023/04/elvis-impersonator.png" style="width:700px;"/> <figcaption>//FTM Newsletter #11, March 1990, FTM International, Louise Lawrence Transgender Archive, Vallejo, CA//</figcaption> </figure> Others created their own acts, personas, and ways of dress. Drag was not exclusive to the stage - many got dolled up, so to speak, for nights out on the town or specific events. (link-reveal-goto: "Continue.","Final form")[(set:$exited to False)]

Okay. Check (link-reveal-goto:"these","Inter-community resources")[(set:$using to True)] out.

So, you've made it to a place where you feel at least mostly comfortable in your personal gender expression. You've got a couple options to explore for what you can do with that. Maybe you're interested in staying involved with your community and [[building|Build community]] networks within. Perhaps you're not the organizational sort but you still want to [[engage|Engage]] with your community. Maybe you want to take your community building a step further and advocate politically and socially for people in your community, getting particularly involved in [[activism|Advocacy]]. (if:$medical is True)[ Depending on how well you pass as your chosen gender, you have the option of disappearing into cisgender society, also known as going "[[stealth|Stealth]]".] Or, in this simulation, you can always (link-reveal:"play again.")[(reload:)]

Politically and socially, the 1990s saw a significant increase in trans-related advocacy and general activism. Generally, this involved small organizations with short lifespans, though some grew in size and thus influence. You could get involved with (or even found!) an advocacy organization to do grassroots political organization. As academic queer theory as a field spread, the ideas considered in its scope percolated into mainstream society, as did its study. Your activism could involve grappeling with, writing about, and writing your own academic scholarship. [[Go back.|What do you do now?]]

Building community as a broad term entails a number of things. Attending events, perhaps even organizing them, is a way of building community. Talking to people at a bar, nightclub, or support group is building community. Helping to run a support group or similar organization is building community. In those organizations, you can become a resource, just like someone may have been for you once. In a general sense, strengthening or building the bonds that exist between you and other people of similar experience (or between your peers) is what it means to build community. [[Go back.|What do you do now?]]

Despite the risks and complications, many patients expressed deep and profound happiness after surgery. At long last, they could finally feel at home in their bodies. (link-reveal-goto:"Continue.","What do you do now?")[(set:$medical to True)]

Why not? [[Some external factor is preventing me from going further, even though I want to, so I'm done with all of this.|Back in the closet]] (link-reveal-goto: "Some external factor is preventing me from going further, even though I want to, so I'm settling for playing with gender as a hobby.", "Final form")[(set:$exited to True)] (link-reveal-goto: "I like playing with gender but I still want to be my birth gender sometimes.","Final form")[(set:$exited to True)] (link-reveal-goto: "I want to continue to live my life as another gender but I do not want to medically alter my body.","No medical intervention")[(set:$hormones to False))]

Sometimes, there were too many roadblocks and it was time to hang up the metaphorical (or literal) wig. Perhaps it had to do with the opinions of your family or larger community. Maybe employability, safety, and the ability to rejoin mainstream cisgender society was more attractive than the inherently dangerous and outcast life that comes along with being visibly gender non-conforming. Whatever the reason, something made you choose to return to a life in the closet. This would probably entail no small amount of discomfort, since there was a reason you were pursuing a transition in the first place. It's a safe option, even if it's not the happiest. (link-reveal:"Play again?")[(reload:)]

It's entirely reasonable and fair to not want to change certain aspects of your body in an irreversible way. This option was something a number of people took, for a multitude of reasons. A major one was the risks outweighing the rewards. However, certain aspects of your life will likely now be harder because of the invisible lines of gender you straddle. There was an intercommunity concern about the medicalization of transness, especially as trans activism blossomed in the 1990s. Many individuals as well as organizations raised concerns regarding the way doctors and mental health providers were treated as the be-all end-all of trans knowledge, when, for the most part, they did not have that lived experience. Thus, some trans people avoided medical procedures in official settings as a political stance. (link-reveal-goto:"Continue.","What do you do now?")[(set:$medical to False)]

If you're interested surgery, whether that be genital surgery or something else, you'd certainly need to prove successful life as the gender you're transitioning to, as well as consider the risks of such a surgery. If you're transitioning towards femininity, you might also want facial plastic surgeries or breast augmentation. Those moving towards masculinity might want chest surgery to remove breasts and internal procedures to remove the uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. Surgeries were well known to be imperfect. While mastectomies and removal of female reproductive organs were relatively common procedures done on cisgender women and thus already established procedures, genital surgeries were not. Complications often arose and many patients expressed unhappiness with the finished product. Another complication in surgery acquisition, particularly genital surgery, was your lifestyle. While increased visibility of gay trans man Lou Sullivan meant some practices relaxed their restrictions on who qualified for surgery, not all did. Many doctors required certain patterns of behavior leading up to surgery, and that often involved sexual or romantic relationships with members of your birth gender. [[I want surgery.|Surgery]] (link-reveal-goto:"I don't want surgery.","No medical intervention")[(set:$medical to True)(set:$surgery to False)]

Perhaps you like enjoying nightlife, conversation, and/or media without setting out to create spaces or organizations for those purposes. If every gender non-conforming person started their own official organization, they'd become entirely obsolete. Someone's gotta participate in them. It is perfectly okay to simply be a participant - what are all these events for, if not to attract participants? [[Go back.|What do you do now?]]

This involved living your life as if you were a cisgender person of your chosen gender and keeping your transition a secret. This level of secrecy could be varied - you could keep your transness a secret in most aspects of your public and professional life but continue to be open about it with partners or family members. You could also keep it a secret forever. This was more feasible for transfeminine people who'd elected to undergo genital surgeries because of the success of such surgeries. [[Go back.|What do you do now?]]

You're following in a time-honored tradition of blurred lines between living life as another gender and dressing as another gender for fun and pleasure. In 1991, someone wrote into a newsletter expressing anger and discomfort at "women" intruding upon trans male spaces. An excerpt of the response to this letter is as follows. <figure> <img src="https://sites.smith.edu/transgender-medical-experience/wp-content/uploads/sites/962/2023/04/response-to-letter-1991.png" style="width:700px;"/> <img src="https://sites.smith.edu/transgender-medical-experience/wp-content/uploads/sites/962/2023/04/response-to-letter-1991-2.png" style="width:700px;"/> <figcaption>//Lou Sullivan, FTM Newsletter #15, April 1991, FTM International, Louise Lawrence Transgender Archive, Vallejo, CA.//</figcaption> </figure> Some find satisfaction in temporary gender-bending. You've made the choice to take the other route. [[Continue.|Social transition]]