Question: Should I discourage my son from playing with his friend whose parents are Trump enthusiasts?
My son is a second-grader and he’s become close with another little boy. We’ve seen the kids play together and they get along well, but we’ve also met the boy’s parents and totally disagree with their political views. They’re really outspoken Trump supporters and find ways to inject their political views into conversations with us.
My spouse thinks that we can get along fine by trying to minimize our son’s contact with his parents, but I’m worried about the kinds of political views and values our son is picking up from his friend. We’ve overheard his friend talking about building the wall to keep Americans safe, and so we’re not sure what else they’re sharing. We’ve talked to our son, but he’s quite protective of his friend and doesn’t tell us what they talk about. Should we try to discourage our son from spending time with his friend, at least outside of school?
It seems that the moral quandary you face is choosing between protecting your son from political views you may find to be discriminatory and dangerous and giving him the freedom to spend time with his close friend. First, I implore you to consider why you don’t want your son to pick up his friends’ parents’ political views. Is it simply because you disagree with their views, or because you also believe their views are harmful to him? The fact that you are writing to ask for advice on the matter leads me to believe that it is the latter. You seem to be worried that if your son continues spending time with his friend, he will become hateful toward immigrants. You are certainly justified in having this concern, as your son’s behavior is especially malleable at his age.
But I encourage you to put yourself in his shoes and think about what he values most in this situation. If he’s spending a lot of time with his friend, then that friendship must be very important to him. I think it’s possible for you to balance both sides of this dilemma in a way that is sensitive to both his friendship and your desire to protect him from potentially racist and xenophobic views. That desire is perfectly understandable and reflects your interest in teaching your son the importance of values like diversity and equality. However, I’m wary of interfering too heavily in his friendship, especially if spending time with his friend makes him happy and contributes to his social well-being. Discouraging your son from spending time with his friend might also arouse resentment in him and lead him to be even more protective of and secretive about his friendship.
Rather than push your son away from his friend, you might consider talking to him about the values you consider to be important, such as compassion for immigrants and respect for all different kinds of people. Instilling these values in him could make him more wary of any views his friend picks up from his parents and give him the courage to push back against comments about topics like building a wall to keep Americans safe. Though your son is young, it’s ultimately wise to let him form his own judgements about whom he chooses to befriend and whether to take his friends’ comments seriously. As a second-grader, he likely does not possess the breadth of knowledge and critical thinking skills needed to understand and make sound judgements about complex political views, but bringing up broader values like compassion and equality in everyday conversations can help instill those ideas in his mind.
Like I mentioned earlier, you have every right to be concerned about who your son spends time with and how the people in his life affect his development. You and your spouse are his parents, after all, and you know best when it comes to your son’s personal growth. By no means should you be expected to have a close relationship with the other boy’s parents if your conversations with them make you uncomfortable. But if you view the situation from your son’s perspective, you will likely realize that the companionship and enjoyment he gets out of his friendship is more important to him than the political ideas his friend repeats.