I work in an all-male research team headed up by a brilliant scientist, well-liked by most people in our division. But his sense of humor is really off-color to me, and there have been occasions when we’ve interacted with women in our field and he’s said things that have made them visibly uncomfortable. He’s made fun of the #metoo movement, talks about how women in our division look, and has hit on colleagues at conferences in front of me on more than one occasion.
I don’t expect to stay in his research team for more than a year longer, but I’ll need his support to land on my feet somewhere else. I’m worried that if I approach him he’ll penalize me in some way. I’ve talked with one other person on my team who shares my concerns and has been there longer, and he’s told me about a research assistant whose career prospects suffered in subtle ways because he tried to speak up. How should I proceed?
I applaud you for seeking advice, and strongly suggest you consider taking some kind of action. This dilemma of yours is a common one; it boils down to whether you should prioritize your career and let harmful behavior (that doesn’t directly harm you) slide, or say something that could come at a substantial personal cost, much like the research assistant your teammate mentioned. I think it’s clear that you don’t want to sit back and do nothing, and this is sure to decrease the quality of your work, which may penalize you anyway, if your supervisor takes notice. That would be a disservice to everyone.
First, I want you, and anyone in your shoes, to consider what might happen if you approach him directly. Do you think that will actually help him realize the error of his ways and change his behaviors? You are probably in a better position to assess that than I am, but given that there was a past attempt that failed, it seems unlikely. If you don’t think anything positive will come from trying that, then both your career prospects will suffer and the sexist behavior will continue.
It’s worth noting that this kind of behavior could be more than just creating an uncomfortable environment for you. It slides into misogyny and unequal treatment actively harms everyone, whether they are the ones with the disadvantage or not. Depending on the severity of his behavior, it could be (from worst to best) legally actionable, violating company conduct policy, or simply a situation that is negatively affecting you at work. Using your judgment is important here, as that decides your first step. This could range from seeking legal counsel from a lawyer to reviewing company nondiscrimination policy or Title IX guidelines. Additionally, it sounds like there may not be much of a paper trail about his comments, so write down specific instances of behavior that make you uncomfortable to the best of your memory, with the approximate date and time. Moving forward, start taking time stamped notes of specific comments so you will have something at the ready when the time is right.
A few allies willing to back you up may also be helpful. If you feel comfortable doing so, it may be worth bringing this up to your teammate again. Would he be willing to express his concerns as well? Do either of you feel comfortable enough approaching others on your team and asking if they have concerns about your supervisor? It seems that your research team is part of a larger organization. If some women in your field are already visibly uncomfortable around him, it may be worth it to go outside your team to approach some women in your division to ask if any of them have felt uncomfortable by some of his comments. Don’t be afraid to do it alone, but there is strength in numbers. No matter who wants to join you, I suggest talking in confidence or submitting an anonymous report through the proper channels to someone above your supervisor, talking to human resources, or another department meant to handle these issues at your employer. However, be aware that this approach still has risks. Even if procedures for handling these situations are supposed to be confidential, sometimes these sorts of things get out and your supervisor may learn that you were behind it.
Nonetheless, I want you to think about whether you can stomach sitting by and watching this behavior persist. Is sparing yourself the potential ire of your supervisor worth the harm he may do to any woman he crosses paths with? Even if there are no women on your team, ensuring the safety and fair treatment of everyone in your division and any future hires is a collective responsibility.