A self identified “ladies’ man,” Raul has been married four times. His first marriage was back in Madrid, Spain (where he was born) to a woman named Isabel. They were married for five years and never had a child, though Isabel desperately wanted children. They fell in love in graduate school where they were both studying literature and had a very passionate romance. The marriage ended abruptly when Isabel revealed that she was pregnant with another man’s child. She never revealed who the man was and Raul still does not know who he is. He suspects it was one of their professors, but I suspect that he is projecting because his next marriage was to one of his professors.

Raul had been pining after one of his professors during his marriage with Isabel and was quick to pursue her after the divorce. They eloped and were married for nine months before they separated. He described this divorce as “amicable” as it was a mutual decision.  He was moving to Boston to write and she had an established career in Spain. He did not reveal her name as she is “a very famous writer.”  After this marriage, Raul swore off women … for about six months. He began dating in Boston, but tried to not take anyone too seriously as he was exhausted from his past two relationships. He became close friends with a fellow writer he met named Susan. She was a lesbian, closeted at the time, and the two got along marvelously. Susan came from a massively homophobic family and was very uncomfortable with her sexuality at the time. Raul, on the other hand, realized he needed to become a citizen if he wanted to continue with his career. The two agreed to have a green card marriage, which pleased Susan’s family and allowed Raul to stay in the United States. They were married for just over four years and both continued to date other people during this time. They lived together and remain great friends to this day. Susan eventually discovered a vibrant and highly supportive queer community in Boston and ended up finding a girlfriend. The two became friends with another lesbian couple in the area, Meg and Jill, who happen to be my moms. Raul and Susan have been in my life for as long as I can remember and I consider them family.

Anyway, back to the Ladies’ Man himself. After he and Susan had put in enough time for him to be eligible for citizenship, Raul applied and became a US citizen, and the two got divorced. I had the privilege of attending Raul’s most recent wedding to his wife Joan. They have been married for seven years now (eight in May, he reminded me). Joan has a daughter my age and Raul has embraced her as his own, as her father is not in the picture. Being an animated and passionate Spanish man, Raul was very emotive during my interview with him.  His stories about each wife came with different vocal inflections, different hand gestures and certainly different adjectives. He talks about Joan as if they have known each other forever, and he is certain in his belief that she is his soulmate. I feel very lucky to have been able to interview him as I had never considered to ask about his past marriages.