Welcome to the round-up of submissions on the topic of ‘Favorite Parts About Being Ace and/or Aro.’ You can see the call for submissions here: https://sites.smith.edu/aace/2022/10/14/call-for-submissions-favorite-parts-about-being-ace-and-or-aro/. Thank you to everyone who participated! We had six responses, from students at Smith College and University of Otago.
- I love that identifying as asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum has made me feel free. Before I learned about the ace/aro spectrum and my place on it, I thought I would have to end up in relationships I wouldn’t enjoy, simply because I was “supposed to” have those relationships eventually. Realizing my ace- and aro-ness helped me understand that I don’t “have to” live my life in any specific way that I know won’t bring me joy! More and more, I’ve allowed myself to explore what I actually want in my future, rather than what I’ve been told to expect. I love my friendships! I don’t want to put them aside later on down the line for romantic and sexual relationships like society pressures people to do. I feel like I now have the confidence to imagine my life the way I’ve always wanted to see it.
2. When it comes to being aroace, I appreciate the experience and view it gives me, in which I can better empathize with others and feel better equipped to help people better understand themselves. Realising i was aroace improved my life enormously. I no longer had this huge question mark over my life and I could begin to understand why I felt so out of place and misunderstood for so long.
3. I think one of the most obvious perks to being asexual is not having to worry about STDs and pregnancy. Now, this isn’t necessarily specific to asexual people (there are a variety of reasons someone might not have sex or not want to have sex) nor is it true for all asexual people, but it’s true for a lot of us and, just personally, it’s great to not really be that worried when my period is late, because unless I’m the next Virgin Mary, it’s literally impossible for me to be pregnant!
One unexpected way I’ve come to really love my ace identity and the ace/aro community is through the knowledge that we generate by simply being non-sexual-and-romantic-relationship focused people in a society that prioritizes sex and romance. Listening to aromantic people talk about their experiences with love and friendship and inspecting how our society deprioritizes platonic love in detrimental ways has honestly been kind of life changing. Even though I am interested in romance and romantic relationships, being in this community has been so helpful in reshaping the way I think about romance and how I choose to structure my life around relationships and which relationships to prioritize, and for that I will be forever grateful.
4. What I love about being aroace is how freeing it is. My exposure to ace communities showed me that people like me could live wonderful and fulfilling lives regardless of whether we had sexual/romantic relationships or not. It allowed me the ability to reflect on my own feelings and desires more deeply. That led me to start using the aromantic label, and to start to explore my gender. And although I am still subject to societal pressures around sex and relationships, I don’t feel bound by them in the way I used to. I love that my identity throws into question so many of the things that society assumes are universal, and that me living into my identity might cause other people to rethink their worldviews as well.
And as I lived into my ace identity, I also felt more and more comfortable calling myself queer. I felt more comfortable being in queer spaces and participating in conversations there. I really felt like I belonged on my (very queer) campus and in my (very queer) friend groups. If I hadn’t started to identify as ace, I would not have the relationship to myself or the world that I have today. I am free to explore and to create my own future outside of what society prescribes. That’s both a daunting task and an incredible blessing.
5. As someone who’s alloace, I appreciate not having to worry about sex and all of the issues that it *can possibly* bring up (I know that they’re not guarantees). It just seems like a lot of work and stress, and it feels kind of relaxing to not have it be a concern in a relationship. Accepting and embracing my ace identity has allowed me to be fully comfortable in my skin. Before I knew I was ace, I believed the things people said about me: cold, emotionless, a late bloomer, etc. But not experiencing sexual attraction doesn’t make a person broken. I have a word, a whole slew of words, to describe how I experience attraction, and I’ve never felt better. And don’t get me started on the ace community. To be seen, validated, and understood is a beautiful thing. The ace spaces I’ve entered have been so welcoming and warm. We can bond over shared experiences and discuss the kind of visibility we want to see. Ace people receive so many assumptions about what it means to be ace that we don’t make those same assumptions about each other. That makes for a really understanding and non-judgmental community (one I’m so thrilled to be a part of).
6. The process of discovering I was aroace and then exploring what that meant for me helped me understand my life and my experiences, growing my self-awareness, and it helped when I later explored my other identities to have had that first experience of questioning already. It helps me explore who I am and what I want from life. The ace community was my first exposure to the complexity of identities, how definitions and experiences don’t always match up well, and how different identities can intersect. The ace community let me feel comfortable and legitimate in my experiences, and taught me that I don’t need to hide myself. I love the perspective on life that being aroace gives me.